Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Blog Relaunch Day

So I'm precisely two months behind on my relaunch, and it's my own fault. So thank you, all of you, who have stuck with me. I truly appreciate it! 

I slowed down posting here, and then eventually stopped, for many reasons. The first is Gamergate. While my blog has never been a huge presence on the internet, it only takes one post to catch the eye of one wrong person for you to get put through the GG ringer. The last thing I need in my life is to get doxxed or swatted. But honestly, I can't even get my friends to read what I write so it's unlikely a situation like that will ever arise. 

Which leads me to point two - I've lost my voice as a writer. I don't know if it's because I have to work a day job (and I love my day job so I spend a lot of time there), or because of the trauma, or what, but I don't really know what I want this blog to be anymore. Or I didn't. When I first started writing it, it was to talk about City of Heroes. Then I branched out and then City of Heroes was shut down and then I was lost. I thought this was a problem, but it's not, like, at all a problem. In fact, it's very liberating. Once I decided to embrace that, I realized that I don't have to have a narrow focus on what I write here; successful blogs are successful because people like the way the writer conveys her thoughts and not so much that she writes about the same crap all the time. So while all the stuff I like will be represented, it will be much more random and I think that's better for all of us. 

I mentioned trauma in point two, and that's actually point three. I suffer from PTSD. One of the effects of PTSD that not a lot of people talk about is memory loss, and I have been hit by that very hard. I struggle, often, with finding the right words to use to communicate my thoughts. This means it takes me longer to write than usual, takes me longer to edit than usual, and sometimes reduces me to a sobbing mess. But I'm a writer, and I'm not going to let what happened to me take away yet another piece of me. That's bullshit. 

So there you have it. My blog is back in business, I am writing again, and things are better. I feel good for the first time in a long time. 

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