I was highly influenced by the music and poetry of The Doors when I was growing up, so it is with great sadness that I'm writing this tribute post to Doors co-founder Ray Manzarek who passed away today at age 74.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
If you spend any amount of time on the internet, I'm sure you've heard guys bitch about being "friend zoned" by a woman. It's usually some whiny, entitled, douchebag, "nice guy" who has completely misrepresented his intentions toward a woman and feels she owes him sex. If this concept eludes you, watch this:
Replace Lunchables with sex, and this is exactly it. This commercial makes me cringe every damn time I see it, and not just because it's shilling chemical-laden "food" but because it drives home this sense of entitlement. Worse, it drives it home to an impressionable youth culture who probably aren't being taught any better at home.
The idea that being nice to a woman entitles you to anything - highly processed cheese-food, companionship, sex - makes you an asshole. Exploiting a woman's feelings to get sex makes you an asshole. Befriending a woman and getting pissed when she won't fuck you makes you an asshole. Here are some reasons why:
1.) A woman's friendship is not a shitty consolation prize for not getting sex. You may as well make a pouting face, clench your fists, stomp your foot, and whine "But I didn't want your stupid ol' friendship. I wanted seeeeeeeeeex!" Grow up, asshole. Cultivating friendship is its own reward. It's not a doorway for sex. Which brings us to:
2.) No one owes you sex. Ever. Period. End of discussion. There is never a situation where anyone owes you sex. You're nice to a woman? Not a pass to sex. You gave a woman a lift when she was stranded? Not a pass to sex. Your female friend cried on your shoulder when her latest boyfriend broke up with her? Not a pass to sex. You bought a woman dinner? Not a pass to sex.
3.) There is nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't have romantic feelings for you. Do you remember in 2009 when a man opened fire in a women's gym, killing three of them and injuring 9? He cited extreme "anger with women" and women's reluctance to have sex with him as his motivation. This feeling that there is something "wrong" with women because they don't want to be with you ranges from absurd to deadly, especially if you feel they need to be "punished" for not having sex with you. And, it's an example of rape culture. Women are not obligated to be available to you, sexually or otherwise, whenever you want them. You know why? Because women are people. We're not commodities. We're not Netflix. We're not 7-11. And more importantly, we're allowed to not be attracted to you. It's within our rights to reject your romantic feelings for us. There's also nothing wrong with us if we get upset when we found out that your friendship was all a ruse to fuck us.